Learning Goal: I’m working on a writing discussion question and need guidance to help me learn.
Looking for someone to edit my work according to the following points with track changes on . 2k words
professor comments: How might you be more specific in your main claim? What can you argue given the evidence? What can you add to the main claim to cover more of the issue under consideration? A multi-dimensional or -layered main claim will help you write more as you discuss each of the aspects of your claim – it gives you more to analyze and discuss. Right now, portions of your main claim/sub claims read to similar to the overall conversation society is having in terms of these solutions, rather than a new way to frame your approach or to extend this conversation further into something unique for you. For your sub claim topics sentences, think about the specific arguable stance you’d like to make in each of those sections. Then work on making them more clear and dynamic by including their reasons. Add the reasons to your sub claim topic sentences so it’s apparent exactly what and why you are arguing specific points. Dig deeper into your positions within the debate/conversation rather than remaining safely on the periphery. Remember that whenever you make a claim, even the reasons in your body paragraphs, they need to be substantiated. Meaning, you want to find appropriate evidence to back up those statements. I also see a bit of summary here that’s not necessary for this paper. Your readers want to know what you think about this issue. Do you think it may strengthen your argument if you rearrange your paragraphs/sub claims? The first one does seem a bit off from the rest of them. (I don’t recognize the Works Cited citation for the McGhee text.)
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